I just cannot believe that it is already the middle of October, just where does time go anyway?
Since I wrote last some deep things have happened which have made me question myself.
My sister, Kimm, reconnected with her ex-husband over the course of the past year and moved back to California with him at the end of May. Life was really looking up for her. She finally didn't have to work and try to support herself. She had all the time in the world to be "Susie Homemaker" quilting, making nice dinners, and was also getting back into her running. Her and Bob were planning where they wanted to settle down once he retired, which was to be this next summer.
A month ago things took a "horrific" turn....Both Kimm and Bob got really sick with the flu. After spending 2 days or so in bed Bob decided to go to get some antibiotics. Instead of sending him on his way the doctors admitted him into the hospital with possible Pneumonia. A week later he was dead. One thing lead to another, but the recent autopsy report stated that he died from complications of the "Swine Flu".
This is just horrible and scarey. Kimm said that when she was with him at the hospital the nursing staff took her temperature and it was 102.7. She was fighting the same thing, but for some reason her lungs were healthier.
Who's to say why things went the way they did? God knows why he took Bob when he did. The positive that comes from this story is that Bob reconciled his life to Christ, made amends for some terrible wrongs, and most importantly, he and his children's relationship was restored to a place it had never beenfor which I give much praise to God.
What has been hard for me with all of this is I have felt extremely "indifferent". For those of you who really know me, you know that I am a very compassionate person who has been known at times to wear her emotions on her sleeve.
I have been wrestling with these feelings since Kimm called to tell me that he was in the hospital. It has been made clear to me that I never really knew Bob. What I did know of him I didn't like. When they got back together this past year, after being divorced for 12 yr, I really leaned on God to help me show His graciousness, and to be able to see Bob as He sees him.
While listening to the song "Thief" at a recent "Third Day" concert God made these words real to me:
Thief says: "....My time has come and I'm slowly fading, I deserve what I recieve, Jesus when You are in Your kingdom could you please, please remember me?
And he looks at me still holding on, the tears fall from his eyes and He says, "I tell the truth, Today, you will be with Me in Paradise."
Do you notice that Jesus didn't remind the thief of his past wrongs, he didn't reprimand him....instead, He looked at him with tears of love....
Why don't we, as Christians do the same?
Scripture says in ! Corinthians 13:5 "...it (love) keeps no records of wrongs." We are guilty at one time or another of doing just that.
It is hard to live in this world, yet not be a part of it. It takes a conscioius effort to live a Christ-like life. It takes dying to self. That is a difficult thing to do when we live in a self-satisfaction day and age.
There is truth in the fact that we are to take care of ourselves - mind, body and spirit - but the enemy of our souls decieves us by taking this measure of truth and distorting it to a belief that we "deserve" this and that.
Psalm 103:8-12 says this,
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, Hewill not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him: as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
There was a time in my life that was not so pretty. I was a Christian with a very "broken spirit". For reasons that are personal and not necessary to bring onto this written page, I moved out into a place of my own.
Some have accused me that I "abandoned" my children...God knows and they know the truth.
Some accused me of pretty much being an adultress-whore......again, God knows the truth.
All of which has been thrown in my face more times than not. In all honesty, that not-so-pretty time was just that. I did live an ungodly lifestyle....and because in my heart I loved God and truly wanted to please him I can tell you this......God's holy spirit hound-dogged me EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! That brought me more misery than anything.
People do things when they are broken, whether you are a Christian or not. I want to share this scripture from Titus 3 with you which I am writing in the first person:
"I too was foolish, disobedient, decieved and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures.....But when the kindness and love of God by Savior appeard, he saved me, not because of righteous things I had done, but because of his mercy. He saved me throught the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on me generously through Jesus Christ my Savior....."
God knew where I was at mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He was gracious to pick me up from everything familiar and set me apart for a time. He took me out of that lifestyle through a set of unpleasant circumstances, set me down in a place far away and left me there....for as long as it would take....
Rather than pick up where I left off, just in a different place, I chose to let God have His way. Allowing God to heal my brokenness was excrutiatingly painful. I can almost know what it was like for Jesus in the garden praying. I can clearly remember one day literally crying out, "God, if it be thy will TAKE THIS CUP FROM ME!!!" He didn't and today I am grateful....SO VERY GRATEFUL.
When I left for this healing journey (not realizing at the time that is what it would be) all three of my children went to the airport with me. My oldest handed me a card before I boarded the plane and said, "Read this when you are in the air."
Amongst other things, she wrote this scripture which became a "living word" to me. It is from Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, delcares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Some of you may be asking, "why is she sharing this?" My answer is I want to encourage each and everyone of you who have read this post to be gracious and show mercy. Matthew 7:1-2 says this:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
In God's eyes SIN IS SIN, plain and simple. It does not matter what a person has done, it is what is in the "heart" that God cares about, and HE sees our hearts.
I want you to know that I sincerely don't claim to have gotten this lesson completely down in my life. What I do know though is this, I have been on the recieving end of lies and accusations, and I know what it is like to have a broken spirit. I also know the beauty, the peace, and the freedom of being shown grace and mercy.
I would encourage you my dear friends and sisters/brothers in Christ to pray to see others as Christ see us.
I will leave you with one last scripture taken from Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and leadme in the way everlasting."
Note: All scripture was taken from the New International Version bible.